Self Love Is Radical For Us

You’re supposed to love yourself, sure. That’s something we all know. But how many of us can say that we actually do? 

It’s important to clarify that self love comes down to accepting yourself, and that is not something that was taught or shown to so many of us growing up as young black girls - in our homes, in our communities and in society at large. 

That means that for Black women, self love is truly a revolutionary act against what this country has given us as a narrative surrounding who we are supposed to act and be valued. 

A blatant example of this is when we look at Black single mothers. When it comes to this demographic the revolutionary status of self love hits on a whole ‘nother level. There is almost no respect for Black mothers on a large scale. They are blamed for the state and oppression of Black men because of raising them alone. They are blamed for the status of our culture and the boot on our neck economically because of our tone and dance move choices. Meanwhile, all of this is based on intensely perpetuated racist stereotypes. 

The shame is placed on our shoulders at every turn. 

So to LOVE yourself. Truly wrap yourself in love from your own damn heart & soul, yes. Sis. You are radical. 

It has been studied and documented that at a very young age, Black girls are viewed as needing less support, less protection, less comfort and nurturing. 

So for us, self love is empowerment. 

We feel empowered when we walk down the street with self love in our heart.

We find empowerment when we throw stereotypes to the wind and do things simply because we love them. 

It’s empowering to love yourself when you’re operating in white spaces that all lean and conform to conventional beauty standards.

Self love.

Self love is acceptance. 

It’s the very first step to changing those thought beliefs we were raised on, but that were never ours to begin with.

Self love is taking care of yourself like you take care of others. 

So, Let’s talk about how to show yourself some love. 

And I want to visit the love languages for this.

Do you know yours? 

• Quality time

• Gifts

• Words of affirmation

• Acts of service

• Physical Touch

Here are some examples of how to show yourself some self love based on your love language.

Quality Time - meditation, time for your hobbies, be intentional about sleep and exercise, say “no” to over committing yourself 

Gifts - make and work through an experience bucket list, go to conferences and career development events, travel, try the Marie Kondo method 

Words of Affirmation - use daily affirmations & mantras, journal with a manifestation focus, practice positive self-talk

Acts of Service - meal prep, organize and comfortably decorate your home, schedule checkups, keep nail and hair appointments 

Physical Touch - stretch, take a luxury bath, use body oils & lotions, book a spa treatment 

Now that you have that information. I want to encourage you to take it a step further and extend that self love empowerment to others. 

Self love is unique to Black women in that it can start with one another. When we see ourselves in one another, it’s different than other demographics of women. We can actually see each other. That love that gets extended is a soul hugging type of “I got you, sis” love. 

So go ahead, give it away.

“Freeing yourself was one thing; claiming ownership of that freed self was another.”

– Toni Morrison