Black Women and Self Care

By definition, self care is the practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s own health, and/or the practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being & happiness. 

To Black women self care is not buzzworthy, it’s life affirming. In order to live, flourish and survive as both a woman and as black, the act of self care becomes radical in the place of indulgent. In today’s climate the disappearance (both figurative and literal) of black women,  happens quietly and without attention. 

Self care for us is dressed up differently. It doesn't need recognition, because one just knows in the pit of her soul that without intentional self care what once did exist at her core, will simply cease. 

But why exactly is self care crucial to our survival and mental health?

Think about it. As Black women, we are up against microaggressions, sexism, racism, maternal mortality, poverty, unemployment, dependent households, and the list goes on. 

Each one of these expectations, responsibilities, violence, and stereotypes has been found to be a significant factor on both our mental and physical health. 

We have high blood pressure at younger ages than others, and our cortisol levels remain high. 

On top of all that it seems (still) that the only boxes afforded to us (by society & often our own culture) is to be strong & angry or be someone’s boo & wifey.

There is an immense amount of pressure & erasure all tied up in both of those narratives. 

The idea that self care is new and white is like a lot of things in this country - untrue. Black women have been practicing self care as a means of survival for decades. Now that self care is dressed up as self-indulgent spa days and juicing weeks meant for Instagram audiences, I wonder where the access and representation for self care goes. Does the mother working two jobs to support her family and her aging parents see self care as something for her in this narrative? 

Where does the black woman fit in the hygge, Insta-glam bath tub when she’s trying to survive after a long day at the office where she has to navigate an all white & male working environment? 

Are bathtubs and face masks what the self-care message has been reduced to?  

As Audre Lorde says, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”

So what is an overworked and overlooked Black woman supposed to do when it comes to making sure self care is a part of their lives? 

Start now. Start small. Be intentional.

The truth is, self care needs to an intentional act daily. Period. It’s not some end all, be all. It’s choosing YOU and choosing your importance. Daily. 

Here are some ways you can do so. 

Meditate. Go to a class. Use an app. Take a few seconds to take 10 deep breaths. You don’t have to know exactly what you’re doing or be an expert to gain the benefits of sitting in intentional silence.

Gratitude List. List 5-10 things you are grateful for. Do this at the start or the end of your day to set the tone & remind yourself that whatever is going on in your life, it’s not all bad. 

Exercise. Move intentionally. Even if it’s for a simple 15 minutes a day. That still matters.

Find joy. Cook. Dance. Write. Paint. Orgasm. Laugh.

Try something new. That class you’ve been eyeing. That new coffee shop that’s a bit out of the way. A new route to work. Call your friend for quick call instead of a text. Anything to shake up your routine & gain a different view.

Take a personal day. If you can. If not, take a personal afternoon. Go into work an hour late or leave an hour early. Cancel one plan just to have time alone. There is a way to give yourself some ‘you’ time.

Clean your place. The clutter...get rid of it. Dust, vacuum, light a candle. 

Find a therapist. Or some other avenue of self exploration, if therapy isn’t for you right now.

Community time. Go to lunch with your friends. Take a hike with your coworker. Go to a meetup & find new companions. 

Social Detox. Start with 3 days. You may feel anxiety at first, but if you stick it out you’ll feel the release. See how long you can go & journal the benefits and how it made you feel.

Say no. You were made for more than work and/or emotional support. Don’t let pressures allow you to forget that. Give yourself some grace.

Putting yourself first is not a luxury. We have internal and external bias to blame for that lie. 

Let’s grow beyond the bias. We can change the narrative & shift our mental health. 

What if we allowed our reaction to the need for self care to be kind and seen as a grace we are gifting ourselves? What if we reacted with love as the backbone? 

Tell me sis. How do you take care of yourself?